Well, I did it. I went down and purchased a box of hair color and colored my hair. I think I was pretty brave considering the past nightmar....I mean experiences I've had with boxed hair colors. LOL.

The last 3 times were disasters. At least in my book. Let's see, last time I ended up with a peachy-orangy kind of color--it was supposed to be a glamorous redish blond color called Topaz. The time before that I ended up carrot-top orange--the box pictured a beautiful brownish red.

The earliest hair color disaster was back in high school. My Aunt and my Mom had been frosting my hair for a couple of years but my senior year in high school when we did it, the streaks came out almost pure white. I kinda freaked out about it so off we went down to the beauty supply to pick up a toner. I picked out a lovely shade of ashe blond. I got champagn pink. I was as devasted as only a truly melodramatic teenage drama queen can be. This was back before technicolor hair was hip--or is it cool? phat? fo shizzel?--yah, I really do sound like a dork when I say that roflol :P . So, back to the beauty supply we went for another toner. I ended up with pretty much my origional hair color which was a dark blond.

This time though, I think I have met with success. I bought a shade called medium golden blond and I do believe that is what I ended up with. Yay! What do you think?

A Christmas Miracle \O/

Christmas morning started out to be a lot like yesterday--a lazy, snuggle up with a blanket, watch movies, and snackish kind of day. But God had other plans. Good plans. Amazing plans. A plan for a Christmas miracle to unfold before our eyes.

I was laying on the couch watching a Laurel and Hardy movie on tv, my dh was in the back bedroom talking on the phone and the kiddos were playing with their toys. All of a sudden my youngest son is looking out the window and he says, "I see Barney." I said, "What!" as I jumped up to look out the other window. Sure enough, there is our dog who has been missing for an entire week. The kids and I all started to yell, "Barney, Barney!"

My dh literally dropped the phone he was talking on and came running to see what we were yelling about. And there out the window was our neighbor leading our dog home on a leash. Barney had wandered into our neighbors yard about 10:30 this morning. He coaxed him near, got a leash on him and brought him home to us.

He looked pretty good for having been lost for a week. His sides were a bit sunken from not eating and he was pretty dehydrated but otherwise seems fine. He's had plenty of food, water and attention all day long. He does seem to have a bit of a cough tonight. We'll have to watch that. Oh, God is SO good. *happy tears*

A Christmas miracle. I'll admit, I had begun to lose faith that we would ever see our dog again. The Lord chastised me for this. I was praising Him for answering our prayers when I heard that still small voice say to me, "Wherefore didst thou doubt?" I don't know why it is, but it seems I can have all the faith in the world on behalf of others and seem to lose faith when it comes to my own prayers. God has never once failed me so I don't understand this lack of faith. I know what He has already done for me. Many countless prayers have been answered. There have been all manor of blessings and I have personally been given a number of miracles. So has my Dh and our family as a whole. God forgive my unbelief.

I just praise you Lord, that you saw fit to return our dog to us. On the day that we choose to celebrate the miracle of Christ's birth you have given us another miracle to celebrate on this day. Thank you so much my Abba Father, In Jesus Name AMEN.

Christmas Eve

Merry Christmas Everyone. We woke up to snow this morning so we get to have a "White Christmas" this year. We let our boys open their gifts earlier this afternoon. Normally they get to open one gift on Christmas Eve then the rest first thing Christmas morning but this year they received a "big" gift around Thanksgiving time. We bought them a Wii. So, they only received one small gift each to open for Christmas.

It's been kind of a different Christmas this year. Finances have been rather tight but the Lord has met every need. Right down to our Christmas dinner. We were blessed with many goodies and someone gave us a ham. Today, we received a Christmas card with $40 in it and we bought the rest of what we wanted to have with our ham. God is SO good.

We have also been praying for a Christmas miracle. Our dog got out of our yard December the 18th at about 6:00pm. He's been missing ever since. My youngest son cried himself to sleep that first night. I kept getting up throughout the night because I thought I heard him on the porch whining to come in but he wasn't there.

We had to take down part of our chain link fence because we are having some trees taken down in our yard. But then it started snowing and the work wasn't done yet so the fence stayed down. Because of this, I've had to keep Barney tied up on the porch when he is outside and take him for walks throughout the day. Well, I had put him out on the porch to feed him when this kid began racing up and down the road on a quad runner. Barney, our dog, never liked the sound of loud motors. He would run up and down the fence barking as loud as he could whenever the UPS trucks would go by. Anyway, we think he got scared of the noise and he pulled free of his collar. So, he's out there somewhere without any identification.

We've put out posters, called the local vets offices, talked to neighbors, and checked all the local shelters. My poor Dh drove around for hours looking for him. No sign of him anywhere.

Barney is between 11 and 12 years old. We've had him for 10 years. So, if you have a moment, please pray for the safe return of our dog. Thanks so much. God Bless.

And again, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

A Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

When I was little, our family went all out for Christmas. I can remember my Grandmother, Mom, and Aunt's baking and decorating their hearts out. I remember the family get togethers and the big Christmas Eve dinner. Grandma's house always smelled of gingerbread and cinnamon. As much as I treasure those memories, there is one very different from these Christmases that stands out above the rest.

It was a very difficult time. One of the hardest we had ever gone through. My Mom moved us around a lot and this time, it was not a wise decision. We had moved to a small town in Oregon where there just wasn't any work for either my Mother or her boyfriend at the time. Mom had managed to pick up a part time job at a local bar but it was not enough to pay for rent, bills, food and the needs of our family.

We lived in a 2 bedroom duplex. My Mom, her boyfriend, me, my 2 brothers, my sister and our cat. The four of us kids shared one bedroom. Christmas time was upon us and it was looking very grim. If it had not been for our family we would not have had a Christmas at all. They sent us a big box of Christmas gifts. Somehow, a local church learned of our situation and one morning there was a box of food containing our Christmas dinner and four Christmas stockings. Even though we weren't serving God back then, He still chose to take care of us and bless us in this way.

My Mom and her boyfriend were determined that we were going to have a Christmas tree. (disclaimer: this next part is illegal and I in no way am suggesting that anyone should do this however, what happened has made a memory for me that I will always cherish) They had seen the perfect one only it happened to be on the side of a major highway. Mom decided that they would go cut it down after dark. They successfully completed their midnight Christmas tree raid. The look on their faces when they brought their tree into the house was absolutely priceless. The tree was perfect alright. A perfect "Charlie Brown Christmas Tree".

I think my Mom was the first one to recover because I remember her starting to laugh. They put the sad little tree in a tree stand but quickly discovered that the tree would need to be braced in order to hold any lights or ornaments. There wasn't enough tree to hold much let me tell you. But we had such a good time. I remember the laughter and fun we had even though we had to hold the tree up with wire and thumb tacks. Our little tree was beautiful to us. That Christmas was low on pomp and circumstance but oh, how I cherish the memory of that simple Christmas.

I found a little set of ornaments several years ago made by Hallmark of a snow scene with Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Lucy, Linus and Woodstock and in the middle was the famous "Charlie Brown Christmas Tree". It is my favorite thing to unpack and display every Christmas as I remember that little tree. Ever since I have become a mom I have strived to give my children a memorable, simple but special Christmas. I hope that they will have many wonderful Christmas memories to cherish as I have had. Thank YOU Lord for your provision that Christmas so long ago and for your continued provision in my families lives today. AMEN.

Vanity, Vanity, all is Vanity

I would be lying if I said that the only reason I was interested in losing weight was to get healthier. Truth is, I want to like what I see in the mirror too. Shoot, I want to be able to walk past a mirror and NOT feel the need to avert my eyes. Mirrors and I have a sort of love hate relationship but I have actually found one that I like. I know, shocking isn't it?
I've been working hard to lose weight the past 2 years. The Lord has really helped me to achieve many of my goals too. I've lost about 32 pounds and 3 dress sizes so far. It's taken a lot of prayer, a lot of hard work and a lot of self discipline to make it to this point. I've had to completely change the way I eat and....gasp....start exercising regularly.
But I digress. Back to the story of my new best friend, my bathroom mirror. One day, as I was brushing my teeth, I was looking in the mirror when I noticed that I was looking pretty good. No, dare I say it, downright...well, o.k. almost......HOT! I stood there thinking to myself, "Dang, girl, you're lookin' good!". I was smiling real big and bright as I brushed my pearly whites and admiring the svelte lady I saw in the mirror when I took one step to the right and it was over. An optical illusion, that's all it was. *OH, the humanity!* LOL

The bathroom mirror is one of those ginormous 1970, triple door medicine cabinet jobs. I had been standing looking at myself while I was brushing my teeth and the crack where 2 of the doors met performed the nice trick of shaving 20 pounds off my figure. That mirror is now my new best friend. Feeling down and blue, feeling fat and unattractive, just run in and visit Natasha(that's what I call my new B.F.F.) and instantly feel better. Just don't forget to turn your head or close your eyes as you walk away or you'll be running for your chocolate stash for comfort. LOL

My Blog

This is my first blog so I'm not entirely sure what I intend to do with it as yet. So far, in my mind, I see this as a place to talk about everyday life, share what the Lord is doing or has done in my life, share some of my writings with you all, be silly and have a little fun, and maybe even talk a bit about what's going on in the world.

When I was a teenager I dreamed of becoming a writer. I've never really pursued that but I'm hoping this blog might be an opportunity to explore my dream just a little. Dreams are important. We all need one or two. And I find I am quite the dreamer.

My relationship with the Lord is very important to me. Jesus is my very best friend. So, the lord will probibly color many of the posts I make here. I don't apologize for this. I can't help but talk about the Lord for all He has done in me and how He has changed my life from the inside out.

Then there is my family. My Dh and I have been married for 11 years now. We are madly, passionately in love with each other. Our relationship isn't perfect but God is the center of our relationship and because of this, we have a rewarding and loving marriage that continues to deepen more and more as time goes by. We have 2 boys ages 9 and 8(just turned this past Saturday). I'm sure I'll be writing about my family as well.

At this point, I don't know how often I will post to my blog. Life is.....somewhat busy and unpredictable but I hope to make this a big part of my life. I guess that's it for now. Thanks for taking the time to read this. God bless you today and everyday.

The Winter Rose--My Testimony

One day, while sitting in my M.I.L.'s kitchen the Lord inspired me to write this story which is part of my personal testimony. I hope it touches someone's heart out there as it did mine the day the Lord helped me write it. 
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The snow falls gently upon the ground, covering all life with a blanket of cold. It is lonely here, beneath the snow. The cold causes my wounds to ache. A deep sigh wells within the deepest parts of my being. It has been so long since I felt the Son upon my face. So long since there were roses among my leaves and thorns. Now there are only leaves and thorns. The gentleness of my tears only hints at the secret pain in my heart. I used to be so beautiful. Now when I catch sight of my reflection I only see ugliness and pain.

I hear a voice every now and again, calling my name, but I can not answer. Despair has silenced my voice. Loneliness my only companion. Still, the voice is compelling and I weep at the truths that seem for someone else but not for me. How the voice can call my name and whisper such things is beyond me. I have a right to my pain and my anger. I cannot let it go, will not give it to the one who speaks to my heart.

Anger is my only comfort now. Unforgiveness solace in the times my heart will not let me forget what was done to me. Bitterness I swallow as though it were a pleasant drink.

I was once beautiful and now I have no place among the other rose bushes that bloom continually, their fragrance like salt upon my wounds.

The memories come again and I let them flood over me as my anger rises into bitterness and then hatred, threatening to consume me. The edges of my memories are fuzzy but the center of them is my only possession of value. I clutch at my memories holding them close as a mother her child.

One day, there were hands, cold and insistent. Pain. Fear. Confusion. What was happening? Soon, my buds were opened,their beauty strewn on the cold ground. Innocence bare to the light of day. Knowledge of the world coming too soon. There have been no buds, no blossoms, no roses to give in offering to the Son who shines upon me ever since that day. Only the evidence of this offense strewn at my feet., Once my innocence, now the ashes of my shame....~

The voice speaks in my heart again. Something is different this time. Through my pain I understand what I could not before.

"Child, there will be roses again if you would but give me your pain. This shame is not yours. My heart weeps for you and my compassion swells within me."

It is the voice of the Lord. Has it been Him all along who has been speaking to me, asking me to trust Him? "Lord, but look at my shame scattered upon the ground. I have no beauty left to give you." The tears begin again and I begin to lose myself in the pain.

"Child, I can not help you if you will not trust me with your pain. I made man with a free will and my mercies would not allow me to interfere. I can only ask."

"Lord, why did this happen to me? I cried unto Him whose compassion reached out to me. "Why did you not stop this? Why do you not punish the one who bruised my soul and devoured my innocence?

"Child, I would that none should perish. I am no respecter of persons and will not interfere with the free will of man until I have exhausted every means of turning their hearts unto me. But let me take your pain and heal it. Let me break from you the bonds that keep you from blooming. Let me wash and cleanse you so that you can receive my love that will turn your ashes into beauty. Let me turn what the enemy meant for evil and use it for good."

Anger welled up within me. "Lord, good? What good can come of this?" I demanded this with an anger that was growing and feeding upon itself and upon me.

"Child, If you will accept me as your savior I will take the bruised petals at your feet and plant them with my words in your heart. And when you have begun to forgive, then you will begin to bloom again and I will be able to use you according to my will."

"Lord, how can I forgive the one who shamed me?" My heart began to soften as I said this. I wanted to bloom again so badly.

"Child, if you will let me, I will help you."

"Lord", I said tearfully, "Will you come into my heart and cause me to bloom again. I want to forgive, Lord, I do. But I can not do it on my own. Will you help me?" Something was happening. My heart was beginning to soften as I spoke. Suddenly, I began to speak words that shocked me, "Not only do I want to forgive Lord, but I want to be able to love the one who hurt me", at every word I could feel the snow on my leaves begin to melt. " Lord, not only love but also pray for the one who shamed me", My tears no longer held the poison of bitterness but the gift of healing. "Help me to learn to pray blessings upon the hands who stole my innocence."

"Child, I know thy heart and as the truth is there so am I. You are no longer bound by your anger and unforgiveness. Reach your branches up toward the light of the Son."

I gasped as I did as my Lord bid me. I felt light and free and my tears were now tears of joy. I looked at my branches and saw for the first time new buds growing and before my eyes they opened and blossomed. A sweet fragrance enveloped me such as I had never experienced before. The wind blew soft and held the promise of the first spring rain. Drops began to fall upon my branches which cleansed and refreshed my soul. It was no longer winter in my heart but the glorious first moments of spring.

"Thank you Lord, thank you"

"Child, I would have done this for you long ago but you would not let me. Now you can complete my will for you and what was done to destroy you has been turned over. You will now go and minister to others who are like you were. You will help them to find my truth and through my truth healing and freedom."

"I will Lord"

As I said this He smiled and turned to go. As He was walking away He said, "There is still work to do my daughter, many things I wish to teach you. There are still things you need to give over to me but I will help you and strengthen you as you obey me. I love you child."

Those words were music to my soul. He loved me. It was all that mattered. I cannot believe I held on to my hurts and anger so very long. I could have had beauty for my ashes from the beginning if only I had trusted the Lord and given over my will for His. I spoke softly with thanksgiving in my heart, “I love you too Lord."